Losing You
by Suki-Itami
Summary: Losing the person you love is the most painful experience in the world, but what if you were supposed to die with them but couldn't?


_Inspired by Anime-Amie's fan-comic strip on DA, _"Bunny - Fate."

…

The first thing that crossed my mind when I opened my eyes and looked at the cracked brown ceiling of my bedroom was how I was gonna die today. Quick, violent, bloody, and painless? Or slow, tortured, and painful? Or maybe even a mix of the two? In front of my friends? Or in the solitude of my house?

Okay, yeah, these weren't normal thoughts for an eighteen-year-old boy to have, but it wasn't like I was "normal" anyway. (What **is** "normal?" Oh well, that's something for another time.) Besides, not every teenage boy got to say that he had to watch as the person he loved more than anything in his life died in front of him.

Slowly, I stood from my stained bed and pulled the hood of my orange parka up to hide my tousled blonde hair. I skulked out of my room and past where my parents were already passed out on the couch. I could smell a mix of pot and Jack Daniels, nothing expensive, just the same old cheap crap as always. Actually, mom had become so cheap with her choice of pot lately that even **I** wouldn't smoke that crap unless I absolutely had to have a fix, which luckily had become few and far between moments since five months ago.

As I walked out of the rundown house I had lived in since I was first born, I decided. A slow, bloody, tortured, painful death in front of my friends. It's not like they'd have any mental trauma anyway, they never remember me dying.

Before leaving the front yard, I stopped by my dad's truck, grabbed the thick metallic thermos he kept in there for his booze from the cab and emptied what was left onto the ground. I then reached into the bed of the truck for the anti-freeze and poured a few mouthfuls worth in the thermos. I've done this method of death before, alone in my bedroom, and knew how much I had to drink to get the full effect of actually throwing up massive amounts of blood and stomach acid. I would both bleed to death and have my insides eroded away by my stomach acid. Slow, painful, tortured, bloody…it was exactly what I wanted.

I screwed the cap back onto the anti-freeze and threw it back into the bed of the truck before shutting the thermos and continuing down the street.

Our group of friends still met at the same damned bus stop we did when we attended school, regardless of us all having graduated high school four months ago. It was just easier since the bus stop was pretty much the exact same distance from everyone's houses, everyone got there pretty much around the same time. Speaking of which, I think I can see Kyle and Stan already standing there.

Kyle spotted me first, smiling and waving in his usual happy way as I walked up to him and his boyfriend. "Hey there Kenny."

"Hey," I said absently. I was always a little numb before I killed myself, it disconnected me from the rest of the world, making it easier for me to just do it.

"You okay?" Kyle asked concernedly, his smile had fallen, replaced by worry. "You seem depressed."

I looked between the redhead and the black-haired guys in front of me. Stan had noticed it too, but he rarely asked me anymore how I was feeling. "Guess I'm just thinking about Butters…"

Suddenly Kyle's arms were around me, hugging me comfortingly. "You shouldn't think about him so much, you're hurting yourself dude."

I looked to Stan for a moment to make sure he wasn't going to turn all macho man possessive on Kyle before I put one arm loosely around my friend in return. "I know, but I can't help it." I released him so he could back away. "I loved Butters, more than anything else…it's still hard to accept, after all these months, that he's gone."

Silence settled in the space between me and my friends until the fat ass, Cartman, ran up yelling how he came up with some "awesome" get-rich-quick-scheme. I brushed it off as soon as he mentioned it. He'd been spouting this same shit ever since we were eight-years-old and it never worked - I used to sometimes go along with it just to see if I could earn some money for a good dinner, that only happened once.

Like always, Kyle and Stan decided to go along with Cartman's plan to see what would happen - they were mostly bored - and I decided to just follow. Before we even reached Cartman's house, I had the lid of the thermos flipped open and was in the process of drinking all of the anti-freeze in one go.

As I was about to swallow the last of it, the anti-freeze hit me all at once. I coughed violently, dropping the thermos to the ground and spitting what was left of it in my mouth on the sidewalk the moment before I began heaving up stomach acid with a few random chunks of food from the night before mixed in with it. From the top of my eyes, I could see everyone turn to see if I was alright just as stomach acid was replaced by blood.

My attention became focused on the thick red liquid as it splattered onto the pavement and splashed onto my brown boots. I hated the taste, metallic and goopy, like someone had melted down a strip of metal and forced me to drink and regurgitate it. I fell to my hands and knees as my vision began to darken, but the blood never stopped. It was beginning to hurt everything from my stomach to my throat now, my stomach lining must be bleeding.

I coughed loudly and violently as the blood finally stopped coming up my throat, now able to distantly hear Kyle and Stan's screams over one of their cell phones for an ambulance. It was no good though, I'd be dead long before the ambulance got there.

Unable to even stay on my hands and knees, I fell to the side, into the grass next to the sidewalk. I could see Kyle's white tennis shoes, random dots of my blood covered their fronts, as my vision slowly became more and more dark.

I suppose this is the part where I say how scared I was, of death, and the eternal darkness. But, to be honest, I've died so many times that it doesn't scare me in the least. And lately, like today, I've welcomed death with open arms, hoping that I wouldn't be released back into this living hellhole ever again. That hope won't be granted to me though, I wasn't sure it ever would be.

In an almost echoing noise, I could hear Stan's voice: "Oh my God, Kenny!"

Then Kyle's voice: "You crazy bastard! What'd you put in that thermos?"

Tch. Typical response.

My vision turned completely black as I felt my heart and breathing stop. I waited only a few moments more before my soul went to the usual place it did while waiting for my body to be reborn…

_I had one arm loosely wrapped around Butters' waist as we walked down the main street of South Park's business district. We each had one of the earbuds from his MP3 Player in our ears, listening to _"Somewhere Around Nothing"_ by Apocalyptica, a song I added to the mix of love-dovey songs that dominated the MP3 Player. I had managed to scrape up some money from both change from around the house and stealing from a few people who hated me - mostly Cartman and Craig - and had enough to finally buy Butters a small lunch. Okay, maybe it wasn't the super romantic dinner date he deserved, but I could tell he was just happy with us going to the McDonald's for a cheap meal, and that was enough to make me smile._

_There was a lot of construction going on around the district but it'd been going for nearly a year now, so I thought nothing of it. Besides, the McDonald's was in sight, what could possibly happen when we're __**this**__ close to getting lunch?_

"_Kids," someone screamed from the top of the building we were walking past, "watch out!"_

_We looked over to see a thin rounded beam come rushing at us from the side. It was going to hit Butters!_

_I did the first thing that came to mind and switched our positions so that I would be hit and hopefully stop the beam before it got to Butters, the earbud yanked itself from my ear as I did but I barely noticed it. My eyes locked with Butters' and I realized he was too close. I moved my arm to shoved him back but it was too late._

_A low noise escaped me as the thin beam pierced through the center of my back and out of the middle of my front. The pain was so intense, worse than most of what I had felt before since this __**was**__ a blunt object that had forced its way through it, but that wasn't the only reason._

_The beam had also gone through Butters in the exact same place it had me._

_My already faltering heart skipped a beat as I saw a tear fall from Butters' now dark and distant eyes and a trail of blood traveled down the corner of his mouth. "B-B-Butters," I stammered out as loud as I could, "no…!"_

_His body fell down to the sidewalk first, dragging me and the thin beam that now connected us down with him. With tears in my own eyes as I hit the ground, I stared at Butters' dead, empty face through my darkening vision._

_Why? Why did he have to die?_

Groaning softly, I opened my eyes and stared at the cracked brown ceiling of my bedroom. I wonder how I'm gonna die today.


End file.
